Where do I begin?
Throat surrendered to silence, no one to confide in
Teeth pressed hard together, jaw hinged tight
Like an iron hand clamping me from the inside
It’s like this so often, my soul held hostage at the door of my being
Trauma residing like a gatekeeper who turned around and locked me in deeper
Creeping down the empty halls of these isolated inner walls
Reaching out his hands to touch every last place
Gentle chills from comfort’s twisted pills
And blank expression on my face.
I’ve fallen for my captor and his ever-present grip
Worked the lies into my weary bones
Engraved the tortuous words of his manipulating script –
Right into my willing, delicate skin
Like grinding grain into gun powder
Turning hope into despair
A dangerous fuel for the wildfire within
It’s the torment of silence that’s worn me thin
It’s the twisted touch of hostility’s familiarity
My own heart and mind belittle and betray me.
I’ll never know just what went wrong.
I’m apathetic, still pathetic
Raking fear through every vein
Stared down the pain and suffering
But cower at the better things
Of love and life and another’s sight
My toxic touch and blinding light
How do I work with this great plight?
Surrender the thought of comfortability
And give up the hope of happy, healthy and free
That’s not the promise of the life I live
Maybe it’s what you boast in, but not me
The life in my bones is not of my own
The way the seed planted shows nothing of the thing that grows
This life now is but a seed meant to be buried
Meant to die and bust right open in the soil of humility
Meant to grow into fullness at the call of eternity
No, not this foolish heaven of the ignorant and greedy
But the Holy broken for the needy.
The Holy broken for you and me.
Undeserving love for the humanity that fell
Apart from God? This is the definition of hell
No, not I –
I won’t be the one who will not die
Won’t be deceived by the “good life”
The stench of it rising off that beautiful beast
Making sinner’s dinners off the righteous which they feast on
But be strong: set your face like flint
It won’t be long before it’s all gone
And what will happen to you then?
So be silent little lamb to the slaughter
Don’t forget to fear your Father
Silence, reverence, at His Name
Or dance with death in a losing game
It doesn’t matter where you begin
It matters that you lose your life and hate the sin
Repent, pray, seek His face every day
There simply is no other way.
So take some responsibility
And get out of your bondage
You’ve clawed raw your aching throat
And let your demons gloat
Now let the grave of your tongue
Be where your obedience comes from
Lay down your will, your pride, your rights and die
And follow the One you crucified.
Open up His Perfect Word and