Where do I begin?

Throat surrendered to silence, no one to confide in

Teeth pressed hard together, jaw hinged tight

Like an iron hand clamping me from the inside

It’s like this so often, my soul held hostage at the door of my being

Trauma residing like a gatekeeper who turned around and locked me in deeper

Creeping down the empty halls of these isolated inner walls

Reaching out his hands to touch every last place

Gentle chills from comfort’s twisted pills

And blank expression on my face.


I’ve fallen for my captor and his ever-present grip

Worked the lies into my weary bones

Engraved the tortuous words of his manipulating script –

Right into my willing, delicate skin

Like grinding grain into gun powder

Turning hope into despair

A dangerous fuel for the wildfire within

It’s the torment of silence that’s worn me thin

It’s the twisted touch of hostility’s familiarity

My own heart and mind belittle and betray me.


I’ll never know just what went wrong.


I’m apathetic, still pathetic

Raking fear through every vein

Stared down the pain and suffering

But cower at the better things

Of love and life and another’s sight

My toxic touch and blinding light

How do I work with this great plight?


Surrender the thought of comfortability

And give up the hope of happy, healthy and free

That’s not the promise of the life I live

Maybe it’s what you boast in, but not me


The life in my bones is not of my own

The way the seed planted shows nothing of the thing that grows

This life now is but a seed meant to be buried

Meant to die and bust right open in the soil of humility

Meant to grow into fullness at the call of eternity

No, not this foolish heaven of the ignorant and greedy

But the Holy broken for the needy.

The Holy broken for you and me.


Undeserving love for the humanity that fell

Apart from God? This is the definition of hell

No, not I –

I won’t be the one who will not die

Won’t be deceived by the “good life”

The stench of it rising off that beautiful beast

Making sinner’s dinners off the righteous which they feast on

But be strong: set your face like flint

It won’t be long before it’s all gone

And what will happen to you then?


So be silent little lamb to the slaughter

Don’t forget to fear your Father

Silence, reverence, at His Name

Or dance with death in a losing game

It doesn’t matter where you begin

It matters that you lose your life and hate the sin

Repent, pray, seek His face every day

There simply is no other way.


So take some responsibility

And get out of your bondage

You’ve clawed raw your aching throat

And let your demons gloat

Now let the grave of your tongue

Be where your obedience comes from

Lay down your will, your pride, your rights and die

And follow the One you crucified.  


Open up His Perfect Word and


the God

I crucified.

Cassie SantyComment